When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Then plan a big lemonade party for all your friends and be sure to invite life. When life inevitably expresses doubts about your intentions given the recent interactions between you two, reassure life that there are no hard feelings and you’d be honored by life’s presence at your lemonade party. In fact, you could even make life the guest of honor. Wouldn’t that be nice?

When life arrives, be sure to have a genuine smile and a firm hug waiting to greet it. You can throw in a compliment to really soothe any underlying tension life may be sensing. “Oh, what a lovely shirt you are wearing to my lemonade party. It really brings out your eyes, life.”

Introduce life to all your friends and family. Deflect any awkward pauses or sideways glares from your friends and family by offering them a refreshing glass of lemonade. It is then that you will realize you’ve been so busy schmoozing life that you’ve forgotten to offer your guest of honor the drink for which this party was planned in the first place! Such a silly mistake, but made in an honest attempt at being a good friend.

It is then, and only then, that you raise your glass of lemonade to toast your guest of honor and implore life to stand by your side. When everyone has gone silent, you take an extra beat to soak in the scene. You look your friends and family in the eyes, absorbing their excitement. You put your arm around life and feel its peaceful calm resonating through your shared embrace.

Then you pull two lemons out of your pocket, hand them to life, and say, “Here you go, asshole. Now get the fuck out of my party.”